Reading The Shack has been a life altering experience. Nope. I'm not exaggerating. This "fictional" tale took me to my very own Shack and I've come through the experience having a new perspective on many things with which I've been dealing. Who knew it would take reading a book to get me to this place of understanding and self love!!

So, how did I come to this place? Believe it or not, my doctor recommended that I read this. Yep. My medical doctor. I went into his office needing help with my digestive issues. I was thinking he would send me for another test but to my surprise, he told me I needed to love myself. He wasn't talking new age mumbo jumbo but a true love, for myself! He believes the my gut issues are connected to my emotions. He explained the physiological connection but also explained how there is a spiritual connection as well. He began telling me I was perfect and I was exactly where I needed to be in my life, even if that place was chaotic and full of health struggles. I couldn't fully accept his words...

This acceptance came from reading The Shack. I wasn't expecting this acceptance, this knowledge but I'm certainly grateful for it!! I can finally wrap my mind around the concept of loving myself. I'm a piece of God, His Creation, the pinnacle of Creation actually. To loathe who I am or to critique myself into oblivion would be acting as Judge. I'm not the Judge...God doesn't even "judge" me in the sense that we humans have come to understand the verb to judge!!! God loves this beautiful, messy and chaotic soul and, now, so do I!!! I can see others now...what a gift!!

I highly recommend everyone to read this book...yes, even if you're not religious or spiritual or even "Christian." Heck, Jesus the Christ wasn't Christian either;) Essentially our lives are meant for relationship, Love! Be warned, this book is going to take you through Mack's (the fictional character of this fictional story) life in a real way and you may just find yourself slap dab in the middle of your own shack.

Peace!

Your Own Inspiration!

This photo was taken at a friend's wedding, and I look at it now and think, heck, I was cute! (I'm the smiling lady to the far left) At that particular time in my life, I was made to believe that I was the most hideous creature ever to have trod this planet when this picture was taken. Abuse, in all its forms, is a tragic and horrendous thing...it changes you on a profoundly! I was a size 10 in this picture, and I was made to feel as though I needed to go to the tent and awning store (thank you, Suzanne Sugerbaker for that quote). Yes, I know! I allowed my ex to make me feel this way, but he had me so twisted that I believed him when he said I was fat, worthless, and disgusting. Uh! What? I was darn cute and totally rockin' that dance floor (I remember seeing my ex's looks of disgust and shame that night; he wouldn't even dance with me because he was embarrassed at the way I looked...sad!). I'm so thankful my friend posted these pictures on Facebook! My ex made me throw these pictures in the trash because I wasn't good enough to keep them...

I really wish I could get one whack at my ex's family jewels sometimes (I do my best to let God take care of the vengence...oh but it would be fun to get one good kick in, you know, for therapeutic reasons!). I wish I could tell that dancing diva that she was very worthy and looked fabulous!

Wow! I just became my own inspiration! I don't have to wear a size 4 or size 6 to be worthy...I don't have to weigh 115 pounds. I give myself permission to be me and enjoy every moment life has to offer (Yes, I even give myself permission to accept my 225 body and commit to living more according to my truth and maybe I'll revisit that body from the dance floor). Maybe I'll have the chance to meet that girl once again, assuming she wasn't killed during her tumultuous and toxic relationship with her dangerous and abusive ex. I think she's been crushed and possibly buried alive, but she's there...somewhere; I have hope!

Here's to being your own inspiration!

*Cheers*

~Shabby Chic Lady

White Button Down Shirts and Pink Camis

This day begins after a restful sleep (even if I did awake at 4 a.m.), and I feel very grateful for my life! Isn't that the best feeling to have? Gratefulness for no reason other than the present moment...God is good!

I began reading my friend's novel...The Seers!! I highly recommend this book!!! Start asking for it!!! I enjoy reading stories about spiritual warfare and the beyond. I think there is an entire "world" of sorts working all around us, and this story is a look into that world!

I'm getting ready to attend an ACTFL workshop which I'm looking forward to going! The focus is on teaching writing in the foreign language which for me, bien sur, is Francais! The workshop lasts till 5p.m. but I'm certain the time will quickly pass...right?

Are you curious about the adorable picture posted? That's Piper attacking her chick I bought her only 2 days ago! This is the same pup that chewed a hole in the arm of my shabby chic couch that is only 2 years old. She chewed through to the wooden frame! Someone suggested I give her to a family where she can be outside and to that person (you know who you are) I say, I don't think so! Piper may be destructive with her insatiable chewing, but I adore her. She has a sweet and loyal spirit, so I suppose I'll accept the occasional hole in my furniture...although I can't afford to replace furniture, so I may look like a miser if she continues on her chew-all-things path!

I completed a 20 minute Zumba session! I feel quite energized (and a wee bit sweaty), and I realize the importance of movement and exercise! I know this is part of my quest...incorportating exercise into everyday in order to keep depression at bay!

Oh! The title of my blog...what does it mean? I finally found a white button down shirt that fits me nicely!!! I'm wearing it to my workshop today. Sometimes clothes shopping as a size 18/20 lady can be difficult (ever wanted to punch the dressing room mirror and sob endlessly on the floor? Yeah, I've been there!), but thanks to Lane Bryant, I found a good fitting white button down shirt! And the pink cami? That's a bonus. I love finding something unexpected on the clearance rack! This light pink, cheery cami is fabulous for lounging and sleeping! Can God be present in the midst of shopping at Lane Bryant...of course He can=)

Getting ready to have flax waffles (thank you Van's) with peanut butter (organic merci beaucoup) and banana!!!! Yum...wait for it....me! Yummy! (Ode to Barney Stinson from HIMYM)...After my delicious breakfast, I'll be getting ready for my workshop. I'm grateful for an already fabulous day!

Cheers!

~Shabby Chic Lady

**GASP** The Reveal...

UPDATE: With dread, I chose to smile & be a bit silly for my "before" picture! I was re-acquainted with some good people, and I'm feeling quite fabulous after my Zumba class! I have to remember how great I feel at this very moment after an energetic workout...

Okay, I'm very hesitant to write the truth, but I'm going to do it for those who will be helped by my utter honesty...Alright...Here goes...I can do this...I will be bold...Here...It...Is

204 pounds (how many British stones is that...around 14...yikes?)...REALLY!?! I felt the blood drain from my head, but I know seeing the number is the motivation I need to change my life, to live my life brightly!

I weigh 204, but I am not the 204. I am a woman, a teacher, a Catholic, and a human being. This number will NOT define me nor will it control me! The weight is consequential to the unhealthy habits I have created over the past few months. I allowed a few lousy dating situations inspire an out-of-control, I don't care eating frenzy, well, it STOPS right here, right now! This is it...

I'm going to a Zumba class in less than 2 hours, and I will have a fellow gym member take my "before" picture. I will post it here. I rarely allow pictures to be taken of me, but, again, for the sake of this quest, I will allow myself to be photographed. Be warned, it will be one of few pictures of me weighing this...

For women who have allowed their weight go to 250, 275, 300, and beyond, I will be strong for you, and I will share with you the insights & knowledge I gain on my quest! Do NOT give up on yourself!! Do not let hopelessness creep into your soul...I know it must seem impossible or unattainable! Changing your life is ALWAYS possible as long as you have breath in your body...we CAN and WILL do this!

I know that once you allow hopelessness and the "I don't cares" to be present in your thoughts, you will continue down an unhealthy path. Start NOW...Grow where you're planted...NOW! Allow God to be present in this moment! Cry! Scream! Punch a pillow! Be still! Dance! Anything but eat or escape...live the moment, feel the pain and frustration, but do NOT revert to the habits that have gotten you here. Why do you think I'm writing? I write so I can hash out the emotions that I typically don't want to deal with, but I will deal with them, and I will hold my head high!

I could easily go to the couch, put in a DVD, eat a cupcake, and fall asleep. I choose to stay here and write. I choose to go to Zumba at 5:45. I choose to drink my water and stay away from Satan's sweet liquid, Cherry Pepsi. I stay present in my own thoughts, and I will allow myself to be sad and mad about my weight. The difference is...I am ready to create the life I want to live, so I go boldly toward this quest!

LIve brightly!

Peace~

**Feeling trapped in the wrong body! Thoughts of cupcakes and Funyons pass through my thoughts...NOPE! Not so easy oh sweet temptation. You don't have a stronghold on this lady any longer!! Through Christ I can do ALL things even drive to Zumba class without stopping at the local bakery...**

Self Pity

Self Pity (SP) is a dangerous emotional place...I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and living in the "Woe is me's." I'm finished with SP! I'm ready to live the life I have been so generously given and shame on me for not taking advantage of it at each moment I've been given to breathe!

I wonder if it saddens God when we get lost in our own SP because we're fearful of coming out of the comfort of that place??? I hope He forgives me, but I'm ready to "snap" out of this gloomy mood I've been in for the past few years....THIS IS IT!

My mom & I decided "This is it" is a good theme for life!!! Yes, it was inspired after watching the Michael Jackson DVD!!!

This is a short blog today, but I couldn't sleep, so I decided to come here and let go of the SP monster!! Maybe I'll be able to sleep in peace knowing I've decided life is too precious not to embrace at every moment whether it's perfect or full of challenges, glamorous or simple. Life is meant to be embraced, and I choose to share it with the people who are a part of my little piece of the world.

Good night!