Saturday, March 31, 2012

Reading The Shack has been a life altering experience. Nope. I'm not exaggerating. This "fictional" tale took me to my very own Shack and I've come through the experience having a new perspective on many things with which I've been dealing. Who knew it would take reading a book to get me to this place of understanding and self love!!

So, how did I come to this place? Believe it or not, my doctor recommended that I read this. Yep. My medical doctor. I went into his office needing help with my digestive issues. I was thinking he would send me for another test but to my surprise, he told me I needed to love myself. He wasn't talking new age mumbo jumbo but a true love, for myself! He believes the my gut issues are connected to my emotions. He explained the physiological connection but also explained how there is a spiritual connection as well. He began telling me I was perfect and I was exactly where I needed to be in my life, even if that place was chaotic and full of health struggles. I couldn't fully accept his words...

This acceptance came from reading The Shack. I wasn't expecting this acceptance, this knowledge but I'm certainly grateful for it!! I can finally wrap my mind around the concept of loving myself. I'm a piece of God, His Creation, the pinnacle of Creation actually. To loathe who I am or to critique myself into oblivion would be acting as Judge. I'm not the Judge...God doesn't even "judge" me in the sense that we humans have come to understand the verb to judge!!! God loves this beautiful, messy and chaotic soul and, now, so do I!!! I can see others now...what a gift!!

I highly recommend everyone to read this book...yes, even if you're not religious or spiritual or even "Christian." Heck, Jesus the Christ wasn't Christian either;) Essentially our lives are meant for relationship, Love! Be warned, this book is going to take you through Mack's (the fictional character of this fictional story) life in a real way and you may just find yourself slap dab in the middle of your own shack.


Monday, March 12, 2012

Taking The Step...

Much time has passed since my last blog. I have been struggling with a health issue which has caused me to reevaluate my life, my purpose, my passions. What I discovered is that I haven't been spending much time on evaluating much of anything about my own life. I have always gone through life molding to the circumstances and the people around me. I hadn't even realized I'd been doing this to be quite honest.

Of course, I have always known I've been a "people pleaser." What I didn't realize is that I haven't asserted much of my own personal power in my own life but have simply molded to the power others have emitted. I find this quite sad almost pathetic. I'm a 30 something woman and I believe it's time to truly embrace living on purpose!!

I now wonder if there's a connection between my health issues and the fact that I've been living my life on cruise control. Actually, I don't wonder, I do think there's a strong connection!

I'm at home today because of my health issues and I realize I must begin taking those steps, no matter how small the step, toward the life I was meant to live. God created me with a purpose and I know that purpose isn't one of neutrality.

A great deal of time has been spent in this place of limbo, an Earthly purgatory if you will, and I'm ready to follow God's lead because I know He has a great purpose for me. I've been avoiding, or is it more like escaping, His gentle call for me. I would like to avoid hitting rock bottom before doing something about my life. I want to be the person who realizes the necessity of change before the consequences become too intense at the very bottom of the pit.

What's the first step, then? To be honest, I'm not sure but I do know that the first step will be different from what I've been doing lately. That first step could simply be this moment, blogging about my epiphanies and perspectives!


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Saturday, August 27, 2011

A Place to Communicate...

After an intensely vivd dream, I realized I need to use my blog as a place to share my thoughts and reflections about, not only myself, but my feelings and analysis about the world around me. I can use my journal for the extremely private and spiritual conversations, but I can use this public venue as a way to vent or communicate how I feel about the world around me...

To be honest, I don't have the mental energy to begin today, but I think I want to use this space more to vent about the frustrations I have with this culture, modern American politics, and women's issues regarding health, beauty, and lifestyle.

I may even create another blog for my Zumba life! My classes begin on 1 October, and I may use the blogosphere to share my Zumba experience. Hmmmmm....I will add that to my list!

Let me just say that after being sick these past 3 days, I have been watching a great deal of cable t.v. I am not impressed with many of the shows that reflect what our society is like: Toddler & Tiarras; Dance Moms; Jerseylicious, etc.

These shows really show how we as a people, as women, have devolved!

I know that I don't have many followers on this blog, but I do this for myself as a creative outlet!! If one day a following were to happen, then, I welcome that as well!

Happy Weekend~

Countdown to the Party!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Phew...Life in Warp Speed!

When does life become complicated? When does it go from carefree to chaotic? To be quite honest, I don't have a drama-filled life at this point. I have a job. I have a few close friends (although it seems the number shrinks from year to year). My parents are alive and thriving. I have money to pay my bills and to play (yes, I should be saving more but with the direction our economy is taking, I don't know that stressing over saving is detrimental at this point). I have two, fabulous dogs! I'm single and have the time to "work on myself." Seriously, I have a great life, yet, I find myself getting overwhelmed and frustrated with circumstances happening in my life.

I have these moments where the sense of being overwhelmed completely surrounds me and my thoughts. This feeling saturates me to my core. This is where procrastination catches up with me and realize how much time I can waste (waste not, want not).

This is where stopping becomes helpful...STOP! Pray-meditate-write-be still! I know there is a reason that I live in this era of history, but there are times I wonder if I would have been better off in the early 20th century. The 21st century life moves at warp speed, and I find myself tripping and stumbling on my own feet just to stay above the proverbial water (I don't even like to swim nor have I really learned to do so).

I must find a way to deal with this sense of being overwhelmed and accepting life's fast pace; controlling what I can when I can and surrendering when I am unable to deal with something.

Okay...enough for now. Salut!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Graduation Robes Aren't Supposed to be Tight and What about Rude Sales Associates @ Sephora!

Today was graduation...I never thought about my robe being too tight. I have to wear my Master's regalia each year when the high school I work at has their graduation. So, I was expecting the same ol' thing when having to wear it once again today...I mean, it fit when I received it in 2006 and every year since. It's a robe; they're supposed to be bulky and eternally fitting, right? Well....not so much. I couldn't believe my regalia was snug! I felt a fool, but I remembered to try and not be self criticizing. Yeah, that didn't last long! Amazing how cruel I am to myself!! I wouldn't say the things I say to myself to my enemies, so why do I say them to myself and even out loud to anyone kind enough to listen to my ranting? I need to explore this about myself...

Also, I have noticed people treat you differently when one has a changed physical appearance! Some people are always kind and those who like you for just you, well, they treat you as they always have! But, some treat you as if you have a communicable disease. As if the fat may transfer to them, they almost shun you (think of the scene in 12 Angry Men when each of the jurors begin shunning the bigot of the group...I'm not a bigot, just chubby)! Could it be that my personality has changed as my body has morphed into its present state? Is this the cause for the public rejection...could be a piece of the puzzle, I have no doubts. Simultaneously, though, I think people are, quite frankly, that shallow and judgmental. Despite my altered perspectives and thoughts, I always make an effort to smile and strike up a conversation. Of course the tete a tete isn't always reciprocated with certain others. Instead, I receive awkward silence for my olive branch of discourse. I must be accepting of this phenomenon; I will remember those who treat me differently today because of my weight...

Even sales people at stores will treat you differently if you're overweight. I was blatantly ignored at Sephora today...I walked in and headed toward the Nars counter. No one said hello, then, I heard the, who I suppose was the, manager tell a couple of the young ladies to greet the customers. I was maybe 3 feet away from them; they walked passed me to talk to the women on the other side of the store (No, I'm not a customer, just the invisible chubby lady looking at lip gloss).

I heard one of the sales ladies tell a customer about the free makeovers they were doing. Of course, this perked my ears up because I love FREE!! I walked to the thin, tall, and blond 20-something sales associate, and I said with a smile "You're having free makeovers." She just about rolled her eyes but I could tell she put some effort into stopping herself and reluctantly told me that they were as she was walking away. She couldn't even have a face to face moment with me! As an ex sales associate for Express (and assistant manager to boot), I don't ever remember treating overweight clients this way. Even if I knew we didn't have their size, I did my best to find something for them if they asked!!! I am quite appalled at the treatment I received today! At least the associate at Victoria's Secret treated me respectfully...

Curious how only a hand full of people can make you question your self, your integrity, your right to be in their presence, your right to live in this body image driven society. This teaches me to ALWAYS be kind! Always return an effort for a little conversation. Always put judgment to the side...Always show respect (even though you may not receive it in return).

I love the quote by George Hebert, "Living well is the best revenge." I suppose I shall see the true people in my life soon enough, then (truth be told, I already know who they are)!

My prayers and good thoughts go out to those who graduated high school this day! My prayers and good thoughts go to those who treated me unkindly this day! I will begin anew...God allows us to push the reset button of our lives at any time we need to begin again! I think it's time to push mine and begin writing a new story! See you in the next blog...


Shabby Chic Lady