I'm beginning to have more good days than bad on this quest of mine, but when it's bad, it's tres bad! My need for control and self medicating can be consuming, and I still give in to ED's (Eating Disorder) food seduction. My feelings for control and comfort are the open doors that ED loves to take advantage of in order to get me entangled in that food-guilt-food cycle. The ties that bind between ED and me are beginning to unravel (slowly but unraveling nonetheless), and it seems ED is making last ditch efforts to keep me stuck in his web of sugary delights and high carb fantasies! This tete-a-tete with ED always leaves me with a sense of being stuck...you know that feeling when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and you forgot your cell phone? Yeah, that kind of stuck!
Fortunately, God doesn't need cell phones or technology in order to be called upon in times of need (or being stuck). God is much stronger than God (and a lot more loving to boot); I know He's all around simply waiting on me to hand over the proverbial reigns (and the cupcakes, candy bars, french fries, etc.)! Therefore, in the midst of giving in and feeling stuck, I choose to allow God to help me through the painful parts...upset tummy, lethargy, and mind fog. I know I can begin anew! My thoughts eventually create my reality, so this time my thoughts are focused on Love...love for my God, love for myself, and love for the people around me!
Therefore, McDonald's run and gas station stops be damned! I am in control of my life, and you have no control over me...This moment is what matters and I will march onward on my quest without guilt or apprehension!
The quest continues...
~Shabby Chic Lady
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