**GASP** The Reveal...

UPDATE: With dread, I chose to smile & be a bit silly for my "before" picture! I was re-acquainted with some good people, and I'm feeling quite fabulous after my Zumba class! I have to remember how great I feel at this very moment after an energetic workout...

Okay, I'm very hesitant to write the truth, but I'm going to do it for those who will be helped by my utter honesty...Alright...Here goes...I can do this...I will be bold...Here...It...Is

204 pounds (how many British stones is that...around 14...yikes?)...REALLY!?! I felt the blood drain from my head, but I know seeing the number is the motivation I need to change my life, to live my life brightly!

I weigh 204, but I am not the 204. I am a woman, a teacher, a Catholic, and a human being. This number will NOT define me nor will it control me! The weight is consequential to the unhealthy habits I have created over the past few months. I allowed a few lousy dating situations inspire an out-of-control, I don't care eating frenzy, well, it STOPS right here, right now! This is it...

I'm going to a Zumba class in less than 2 hours, and I will have a fellow gym member take my "before" picture. I will post it here. I rarely allow pictures to be taken of me, but, again, for the sake of this quest, I will allow myself to be photographed. Be warned, it will be one of few pictures of me weighing this...

For women who have allowed their weight go to 250, 275, 300, and beyond, I will be strong for you, and I will share with you the insights & knowledge I gain on my quest! Do NOT give up on yourself!! Do not let hopelessness creep into your soul...I know it must seem impossible or unattainable! Changing your life is ALWAYS possible as long as you have breath in your body...we CAN and WILL do this!

I know that once you allow hopelessness and the "I don't cares" to be present in your thoughts, you will continue down an unhealthy path. Start NOW...Grow where you're planted...NOW! Allow God to be present in this moment! Cry! Scream! Punch a pillow! Be still! Dance! Anything but eat or escape...live the moment, feel the pain and frustration, but do NOT revert to the habits that have gotten you here. Why do you think I'm writing? I write so I can hash out the emotions that I typically don't want to deal with, but I will deal with them, and I will hold my head high!

I could easily go to the couch, put in a DVD, eat a cupcake, and fall asleep. I choose to stay here and write. I choose to go to Zumba at 5:45. I choose to drink my water and stay away from Satan's sweet liquid, Cherry Pepsi. I stay present in my own thoughts, and I will allow myself to be sad and mad about my weight. The difference is...I am ready to create the life I want to live, so I go boldly toward this quest!

LIve brightly!

Peace~

**Feeling trapped in the wrong body! Thoughts of cupcakes and Funyons pass through my thoughts...NOPE! Not so easy oh sweet temptation. You don't have a stronghold on this lady any longer!! Through Christ I can do ALL things even drive to Zumba class without stopping at the local bakery...**