URGH! I realize I will be going to France, one of my favorite places on Earth in a body that I'm truly frustrated with at the moment...I'm reading Women Food and God, and I agree that we should accept the now! I mean, that's what "Living Brightly" is all about, but at this moment, I'm overwhelmed with my frustration...I feel like I'm struggling to stay above water as I paddle wildly to keep my head from going under....
I'm not alone...I know there are thousands, possibly millions of women and men who are feeling this same wild frustration. This should comfort me, but I'm in my no one understands but me mode, yet, I'm trying to stay present and let God come in to this moment!!!
I'm frustrated from the fat pants to the poof-y belly, and I'm just not happy right now! How do you love the person you are even if that person is impeding upon your goals...I feel like I'm in a boxing match with myself! Am I crazy? Have I finally lost my mind...am I bipolar?
The fact remains, I'm...oops! I weigh 204 pounds, I WEAR a size 16/18, and I'm frustrated! Another fact is that I won't lose 50 pounds in 21 days before my departure to France. I must accept the fact that I will go back to France bigger than I want to be therefore I have a choice to make, right here, right now...
I can go to France, enjoy the sites, the sounds, the tastes, and the feelings. I can absorb everything, reflect on everything, and be thankful for everything. OR I can be miserable and stay in a constant state of "woe is me I'm a fat chick in France." I can walk around sad and defeated as the experience passes by me.
Hmmmm...which of the options above sound better? I choose option A...I choose to love the experience and let all the sites & sounds & tastes & feelings truly resonate in my thoughts! I don't know who I will meet. I don't know the experiences that await me. I have to adopt a sense of wonder and awe as I prepare for this sejour en France!
Okay, I accept the fat pants (who knows they could be a bit loose by the time I get on that plane!), and I will say a prayer of thanks for the opportunity to even go across the Atlantic to one of my favorite places and see my family! How blessed am I?
Live Brightly! Enjoy the unexpected!
Peace~
Kimber
I see London, I see France...
ReplyDeleteI see Kimberly, not her pants!
GIIIRRLLL, you are goin to FRANCE! Who cares what size you wear?! And besides, what is France known for? Chocolate bread! It's pastry, not pasties, so my advice to you is to go and enjoy that stuff, come back, eat spaghetti, french bread, and chocolate, peanut butter, and powdered sugar-covered treats (politically correct!)with your friends! Then, you can go sugar-free or whatever you want. You are right! You are not defined by your size. I just want to see you happy, so don't beat yourself up. Enjoy yourself; the rest will follow in suit. Sooo...go to France, wear your pants, and, well, ...Dance! (and eat some chocolate bread for me ;)
Hey, lady! Yes, I'm taking French Club to France this year:-) I haven't seen my family since 2003, so I'm quite excited to see Gilles and the rest of the gang! Thank you for the comment...hope you like the blog! This has been a struggle for me since we were in middle school...it's just now the size matches my frustrations (could it be that I was creating it all along???). Any-who, your comment made my day! I will go in my pants, eat mes croissants, dance, and, yes, have chocolate bread pour toi, mon amie! Merci Chere Amie!
ReplyDeleteAre you still blogging or are you beginnig a new one...let me know...I want to follow:-)
ReplyDeleteWeeellll, I'm afraid that I have not done well with the blogging thing, but I would like to get back to it. It's just been so long. I have so much to catch up on!
ReplyDelete