Fighting The Proverbial Demons...

My personal demon: depression...I have been diagnosed with depression (more than once I might add), yet, I feel in my soul that this "depression" is more than an imbalance of chemicals in my brain! I believe this is my quest (sort of like finding the Holy Grail) in life: to conquer and manage this depression, this demon of sadness and discouragement.

I have decided to fight this without pharmaceutical chemicals. I have tried several types of antidepressants, even recently, but they turn me into this zombie, this shell of a person. When I'm on these chemicals, I don't feel like my shabby chic self... I despise this feeling! I'm going to begin taking this recovery/life long management more seriously because it saturates every part of my life, and I'm ready to move beyond this, now! There are no easy solutions to this or quick remedies in overcoming depression which I desperately wish there was! I have to acknowledge my responsibility in defeating this demon!

Just as I believe there is God, Love, I know simultaneously that there is something dark that wishes to zap that Love from one's life.
This "dark" hopes one will live their life shrouded in despair, hopelessness, and discouragement. This dark wants to distract us from love and life and hope. The dark makes simply surviving seem the best choice in living, well, I know better! I know I can live fully...

Sometimes this seems an impossible quest...I also know that with God all things ARE possible! What does this mean to me? This means that I can enjoy inner peace, I can eat in balance and health, I can be content in my own body (no matter the shape or size or weight...this is a tough one though), I can simply be...happy!

I will begin this quest not with patsies clanging coconuts but with prayer and awareness. I have been off my prescribed chemicals for over 2 weeks, so I'm going to begin retaking, CONSISTENTLY, my herbs that are meant to balance out mood. Once I have given that a few weeks, I'll make my next decision. I will commit to 30 minutes of movement EVERYDAY! Whether I take Piper for a walk or do a Zumba session, I will commit to movement! Even if I begin by doing 15 minutes of movement in the morning and 15 minutes in the afternoon, that is a step toward a new lifestyle.

I want a lifestyle that is active and interesting! I'm getting bored with this depression and binge eating! I'm ready to love moi et to be bien dans ma peau (comfortable in your own skin).

My prayer for this quest~

Lord, I am thankful You have protected me from my own choices, my unhealthy and life-draining choices. Thank you for giving me a new awareness and insight into the demons and darkness that surround me. Give me the strength and the perseverance to take on this quest towards releasing depression and unhealthy eating from my life. Help me to boldly face this new adventure in my life. Help me to act unabashedly in my endeavors! I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for Your Presence in my life.

~Amen